I have worked extensively with the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning population and their loved ones since 1990. I have worked in the following areas:

  • Acceptance and Coming Out Issues
  • Online cyber sex, phone and anonymous sexual compulsions
  • Trans Issues
  • Connections, Relationships and Intimacy
  • Living with HIV/AIDS
  • Living outside narrow stereotypes and roles
  • Ideas of attractiveness and beauty
  • Assisting parents of GLBTQ persons to accept and embrace their child’s identity

Many negative societal or family messages are in the psyche of gay men as they face choices that determine the next phase of their life. This is particularly an issue for gay men over 40, since society was not as accepting of gay men in the past as it is today. Issues related to physical appearance, relationships and a commitment to personal growth may emerge as particularly important at this time of life.

1. Physical Changes
– embracing maturity and accepting oneself
– improving self-care through diet and exercise
– dealing with illness in the best way possible

2. Commitment to Personal Growth
– consolidating lessons learned and accepting one’s uniqueness
– developing alternatives to drugs, alcohol and sexual compulsion
– facing unresolved feelings from the past such as insecurities and trust issues

3. Relationships
– seeking stability in love relationships and re-evaluating current relationships
– accepting the loss of friends and family due to illness and death
– changing social habits

Often men in this age group need to identify habits that have kept others away and need to develop skills to improve and deepen relationships. Often a gay men’s therapy group can help to identify how they can connect better and to learn to get past old obstacles (ex. trust, fear) from one’s family of origin to create healthier communication.

Click here for more information about the Gay Men’s Interactive Intimacy Therapy Group.

Gay men in their 20’s and 30’s often feel freer than those who are older due to a more accepting society in most of the country. However the backlash of religious conservatives still can cause shame and fear among this age group, especially if they have lived in rural areas or they were surrounded by anti-gay church or family messages of what it means to be a man.

Gay men in this age group have never experienced the scare of AIDS and usually have not lost close friends due to illness, but they can still repeat the problems faced by older men. They can feel immortal and take dangerous risks such as having casual sex or drinking without limits, in an effort to seek validation and attention from others. More dangerous is the use or abuse of drugs such as cocaine, crystal meth, ecstasy, special k, or even heroin. They succumb to peer pressure of what it means to have fun or be “cool” so they can avoid uncomfortable feelings, rather than learning to feel strong and complete inside. They may seek others who represent family of origin issues in order to resolve them. Their work could include learning to validate oneself, proper self-care, and resolve family of origin issues. Many of my patients tell me they wished they started therapy before they took unnecessary risks.

Often men in this age group need to identify habits that are healthy and they need to develop skills to feel strong and acceptable and be able to recognize when relationships are harmful. Often a gay men’s therapy group can help to identify how they can connect better and to learn to get past obstacles from one’s family of origin to create healthier communication and greater intimacy.

Click here for more information about the Gay Men’s Interactive Intimacy Therapy Group.